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| Humour
JPB Card of the Year 2005
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Collection of European jokes
Fortunately, Europeans are so different. Because if not, the following collection of European jokes wouldn't exist.
All jokes are taken from the book "Have you heard this one?" by Richard Hill.
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Heaven is where the police are British,
the chefs French, the mechanics German,
the lovers Italian
and it is all organised by the Swiss.
Hell is where the police are German,
the chefs British, the mechanics French,
the lovers Swiss
and it is all organised by the Italians.
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The captain of a sinking ship had difficulty in persuading his European passengers to jump in the water. So, as he explained afterwards, he appealed to the dominant instincts in each of the nationalities: “I told the English it would be unsporting not to jump, the French that it would be the smart thing to do, the Germans that it was an order… and the Italians that jumping overboard was prohibited.”
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Two Irishmen, stranded on an iceberg in the Northern Atlantic, are losing hope of ever being found. Suddenly one of them jumps up. “We’re saved!”, he shouts, “here comes the Titanic!”
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An escaped criminal from a Swedish jail is believed to have crossed the frontier to Norway. The Swedish police sent identity photos – left profile, full face and right profile.
A couple of weeks later, the reply comes back: “We have identified the man on the left and the one on the right, but we are still looking for the one in the middle.”
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What’s the quickest way to make profit?
Buy a Frenchman for what he’s worth and sell him for what he thinks he’s worth.
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A German child, twelve years old, has never spoken a word in his life. Over dinner one evening he turns to his parents and says “Salz, bitte” (“salt, please”). His astonished parents ask him why, if he could speak, he had never said anything till now. His reply: “bis heute war alles in Ordnung” (“up to now everything was OK”).
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Sir Alec returns to his London club, fresh from his holiday in France.
“Did you have a good time?”, his friends ask him. “Yes, fantastic”, he says. “Did you have any problems with the language?” - “No, says Sir Alec, “I didn’t, but the French did.”
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A group of German tourists makes its way to the top of Mount Etna and looks into the reeking and smokefilled crater. One of them turns to his neighbour and says, “It looks just like hell”. The Italian guide hears this, shakes his head and mutters: “Oh, these Germans, they’ve been everywhere!” |
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JPB Card of the Year 2007
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JPB Card of the Year 2006
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